i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
