Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
