Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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