Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
