I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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