Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
love makes seman taste better
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
