Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
