I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
