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lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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