bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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