Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
