You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
