Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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