you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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