every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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