hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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