I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
