Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
