I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
