Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
