; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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