I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
