to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
