NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
