I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
