Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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