Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm jealous of your bromance
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
