she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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