just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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