so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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