i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
