is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
