Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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