I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
