What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
