May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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