have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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