Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
