In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
