My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
