ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
