Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
