My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
