Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
