I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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