So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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