I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
