you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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