Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
