Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
