why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My bed smells like the plague
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
tell me about the eggs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
