I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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