Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
