The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
