GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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