I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
