david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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