It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
