Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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